Why Americans have such poor hygiene (one of the many reasons)

If you're thirsty you may go to get a drink from the sink (unless, of course, there's bottled water around). The problem is that the sink is where you wash your dishes and food, and even your baby. Using the faucet, like they do in Poland, just makes better sense. Sink and faucet just aren't synonyms, but they're used like they are all the time. I'd prefer water from the faucet, myself.

Elephant or Gorilla?

It starts with a question: is it an elephant or a gorilla?

This question, I feel, is an unlikely one since the two animals are so very different, and also not usually wandering around near people with poor eyesight who may need clarification about what animal is about to crush their dog.

Really, though, one of these animals is often in the room, and I could see how an 800 pound gorilla could be mistaken for a small elephant. So which is it: elephant or gorilla?

It's a gorilla, a really big gorilla. Unless there's a problem in the bedroom (and not because getting an upholstered headboard is too expensive or you need a new duvet cover), then it's an elephant. Other than the obvious and tired elephant-trunk jokes (this meme really peaked with Missy Elliot), when it comes to elephant v. gorilla, elephant always wins (they have better lawyers), and a leaky sink in the kitchen is always less bad than one in the bedroom.

Doctor, do you think he'll ever recover from this comma?

How do you spell "comma?"
C-O-M-M-A.
For both types of "commas?"
What do you mean both types? Do you mean a colon?
No. What about for a medical comma?
You mean "coma."
So one "m?"
Yes, to be in a medical coma has just one "m." Also, it's pronounced very differently.

Lip service

Reading a website, I came across the phrase 'lip service'. I ask my two totally awesomely amazing co-workers what it means. They discuss the fact that it means to talk something up; to speak well of something, but also that it also indicates falling short in regards to taking action.

"Hipsters pay plenty of lip service to safety [actually they don't], but they still don't have brakes on their bicycles."

After a few minutes of conversation, I ask the real question:

"So, it's not something dirty, then?"

No. No it's not.

The hardest part...

I've continually found that the most difficult aspect of writing the Polecat blog is avoiding using words like: 'titty', 'tatas', 'dildo', 'cock-'anything, 'homo'. Well, it's hard getting criticized for dancing around these words and they're all pretty much direct quotations or at least hominems. So, in true George Carlin style, I'm using them all here. If you ever need a dirty word for an earlier post and you're not quite sure what word to use, just pick one from above.

You've been Polecatted.

Father is Not Safe for Work

Getting a snack while at work, a particular word comes up (it's not important how). This word is somewhat amusing sounding and so, when it's simply the Polish word for 'father', there's no reason not to repeat it several times at different speeds and intonations... in front of a tour group.

Who knew that the Polish word for 'father' is 'tata'?

Herbs gone wild

"The fish isn't great ; I like the dill though."

An innocent statement, until you have a Polish accent and don't pause quite long enough between the words 'dill' and 'though'. Let's just say that we were sitting at dinner and suddenly three people were strongly unsure how the conversation went from the quality of the food to items which can be purchased at a semi-famous SF store that has nothing to do with Earthquakes. (Here's a hint -- Earthquakes cause vibrations.)